Whatever with Heather - Mindset, Parenting & Personal Growth

1. The Next Version of You

July 06, 2023 Heather Evans Season 1 Episode 1
Whatever with Heather - Mindset, Parenting & Personal Growth
1. The Next Version of You
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Are you feeling stuck in your current self? Longing for evolution, but fear the process of change? By the end of this episode, you will be equipped with tools to step into your power and create a life that is truly aligned with your values! Together, let's explore how to evolve from a place of empowerment rather than disliking our current selves, and understand the power of small actions leading to big changes. 

Ever pondered over the concept of duality, the idea of being both a masterpiece and a work in progress? We unpack this notion and discuss how stepping into the unknown and embracing discomfort can lead to personal growth and evolution. You'll learn how to let go of labels that no longer serve you, and how to rebuild yourself into the next version, crafting a life that is genuinely aligned with your essence.

Lastly, we tackle the challenging task of uncovering the root cause of depression and anxiety. Despite being in an ideal environment, these conditions can persist and require inner work. With patience and perseverance, it's possible to begin understanding and uncovering the root cause. So come along, let's embark on this transformative journey together!

Questions to ask:

  • What fires you up and makes you feel alive?
  • What do you feel called to do or be or step away from?
  • Where are you closed off against the world and against others as a shell of protection?
  • Where do you lift yourself ABOVE others as better than/smarter than/more important than? - and does that feel aligned?
  • Where in your life are you dumping/overflowing your emotions because you are TOO full of EVERYTHING people have told you that you *should* carry/believe/do?
  • What if you could re-create yourself from nothing? Who would you choose to be? What would you add in? What would you let go?
  • If you could respond to a stressful situation in ANY way you choose? How would you choose to respond? What can you do to begin to practice this response?
  • Are you proud of how you respond to situations? How you treat those you love? How you treat YOURSELF?

Hey y'all, welcome to whatever with Heather the first official episode of this podcast. I'm so excited. Today we are talking about the next version of you. Now this may feel like but wait, like what's wrong with my current version. Or I really want to be the next version, i don't know how to do it. Or I want to grow and evolve, but not sure how to get there. Or the only way I've ever changed is by being really mad at my current version. So how can I do that? How can I evolve into the next version of me from a place of feeling empowered to move forward into the next version instead of from a place of disliking my current version? And today we're going to be talking about all those things how to figure out, like, what the next version of you even is. Now there may be some of y'all like I'm I like the current version, perfect. There's going to be things in the podcast today about kind of refining and tuning into the current version of you and what you truly value and seeing if what you're building for your life right now is aligned with who you are. So that's what we're talking about today. I'm going to take you back in my life a little bit And I remember when I was younger I wished probably like middle school, maybe even high school, like man if I could just move and rebuild myself and be whoever I wanted to be. That could be so cool, because there's no body thinking I'm this way and then I have to prove I'm a different way. However, i show up to this new place, people are going to believe I'm that way. They're not going to know anything about me, they're not going to know my struggles, they're not going to know my weird quirks. I can literally be whoever I want, which is funny that I thought that way. But yeah, i was like if I just could move, i could be whoever I want. And the fact is we can do that without moving. If we're in a current situation and we're like I wish I were a little more patient, or I wish I were a little kinder to myself, or I wish I were someone who moved my body, or I wish I were someone who, like, went to bed at a good time so I could wake up with energy, or I wish I were someone who didn't get drunk all the time. Whatever it is right, literally anything you wish for yourself Bippity, boppity, boo, you can create, and it is in realizing that we don't have to move, we don't have to start over. But a huge reason and I've realized this a lot lately, even for myself, a huge reason many of us don't grow and evolve into the things we actually truly want to grow and evolve into is because we are worried of what people will think if we don't continue to be who they believe us to be. Like let that sink in. I'll repeat this A lot of what holds us back from changing is that we are worried about what people will think if we don't continue to be who they believe us to be. So this younger version of me that wanted to move to change was because I knew or I was worried about me not being who people believe me to be and there being this dissonance between what people believed of me and how I was going to start showing up in a new way in the world. It was easier in my brain to wipe this lake clean and start over, because there was no fear of having to convince people I was someone new And having to convince myself I was someone new. I could just step into the next version literally like here I am this version, move, go somewhere else. Now I can be this new version, grow and evolve and become these things that I'm wanting to grow into, and this is about moving into your new self. This is not about disliking your current self, but rather acknowledging where you would like to grow or evolve in your life. It's about being inspired by who you want to be and what feels exciting. Like. If I were someone who did these things I want to do in my life, how would my life change? Does that feel exciting? One thing we all kind of relate to a lot is like moving our bodies or taking care of our health, and so for a lot of us, this is a good example of. If I were someone who got up every morning and did 15 minutes of yoga, which is like, if it's something you're not currently doing how much would my life change? How would I feel different? How would I evolve? How would I grow? How would I show up in the world differently? The small things we do change in our lives lead to like big results, and we know this, and so I think sometimes the small things are hard for us to do because we're scared of the change, a little bit for ourselves, because we're scared of having to embody that and step up and move into something new because we resist change. And the second part is the fear of what other people will think When we're not being who they think that we are or who we have been, that we're a fraud when we grow or change or evolve. Now, we don't think babies are frauds when they start walking when all they could do was like roll on the floor, and we don't think they're frauds when they couldn't speak and now they can. And we don't think our children are frauds when they're not able to share and then they learn and grow and learn how to share. But we think that of ourselves and even of other people, that when they grow, change, evolve, that they somehow think they're better than us or that we somehow think other people are not going to like us. And the fact is they may not like the new version of you. We get really judgy as adults. We don't like when people grow or evolve, but we're fine with it when you're little, but we're not fine with it when you're an adult, but we need to become fine with it for yourself and for other people. But today it's about yourself, your next version of you. So how do we do this? I love to live in the duality. This is actually the duality that changed my life, because I had operated from this place of disliking my current self to try to drive me to be a better person. But that never actually worked, because when you're driving yourself from a place of self-hate it's very hard to be motivated to do better because you don't believe you deserve better. But here's the duality I like to operate in is. This quote says you are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress. That is the magic zone. I am good enough as I am and I am ready to step into the next version of myself. Can both be true? Can you exist in a world for yourself where both are true? You are enough as you are and you can grow and evolve. You're not growing and evolving because you're not enough. You're growing and evolving because that is what you feel called to do or excited to do. If we continue to reside in the places that we've always been, then we're going to be the same as we've always been. And it's in stepping into the unknown, a little bit of discomfort, self-growth, personal leadership that we can grow and evolve, and that feels exciting. That is part of the reason why adulthood, adulting, feels so monotonous is because we're no longer growing. When you're little, you're learning new skills, you're gaining skills. People are like yes, you're awesome, you're growing. And then you become an adult and people are like put on the brakes, stay how you are, don't change, don't evolve, don't grow. You're done Like. You are the finished product because you're an adult now. But no, i mean, yes, if you want to be, you're not going to be. You want to be. But if you feel like I want to be more patient, i want to be a better listener, i want to speak more kindly to myself, i want to believe better things about my body, i want to move my body more, i want to invest in my health, if these are all things you truly want, then it's time to step in, grow and evolve. So how do we do this, though? Like how, when you've been the same person for so long, how do we grow, how do we evolve? How do we step into the next version? And to do this, first deconstruct and then we rebuild. A lot of the times, we're in like hustle culture, right, we like to add in more, add in more, add in more, add in more, add, add, add, add, and then we become overwhelmed because we're overflowing. In order to build yourself the way you want to be built, or in order to live your life the way you want to live your life, you must deconstruct and then rebuild. Or else you're building upon this like rickety foundation that's kind of been pieced together from your childhood And then you're trying to like build a tower on top of it and it's not like set up to do that. So first we deconstruct and then we rebuild. Much of who we think we are is what we have been told we are. There are things you believe about yourself that are not true. You were just told them, you took them on as a belief about yourself and you have carried it your whole life. So to create a new reality, a new life, the next version, it is time to strip off the labels that you have given yourself. Others have given you, Society has given you, society has given you, society has given you, Others have given you, society has given you. And you get to start trying things back on and seeing what fits, seeing what resonates with you and things that used to resonate with you They still resonate with you and there are things that used to resonate with you or you thought were yours to carry, the labels people gave you that you realize are not yours to carry. An example of this could be from a young age. You knew if you were one of the smart kids or you were one of the dumb kids And and so this label was put on you from a young age, or you just understood that this was the the facts. You're smart or you're you're not, and you carried it and it painted your whole life. So when we are building the next version of us, we need to deconstruct all these things that we've we've collected along the way and start to take them back on and see if it's true. Like, maybe the label is you're smarter than everybody else and maybe it's not true, or maybe it's you're the stupid kid. You were the kid that can't get good grades. You're not very smart and maybe that's not a belief you want to carry anymore. And in order to move to the next version of you, you need to release the beliefs that are not really true, the beliefs about yourself that are not true. Another label would be introvert or extrovert. Most of us have given this to ourselves. This has been very popular in recent years. You're an introvert or you're an extrovert. Or you're an extroverted introvert or you're an introverted extrovert. Let go of the label and start to think of I enjoy relationships that, xyz, i'm an introvert. It's such a narrow category for what you truly are, because I'm sure there are people you can be around that you feel filled up by, and there are people you can be around that drain you like to nothing. Most of us are a blend of introvert and extrovert, so why would you carry a label? Why not just be like oh, i like to be around people who make me feel like this, and I do not like to be around people that make me feel like this, and I also like a lot of alone time. Or I love to be around people, but after I've been around people for a long time, oh, i need to go in my house for a few days. Most of us are a blend And so we release the labels, because when we label ourselves, then we feel like that's how we have to show up in the world, because we've told people we're this, or the way we've lived is shown people we're this, and so we want to continue to be who people believe us to be, instead of just being who we truly are, which is very few labels and very few boxes. It's much more fluid than we have allowed ourselves to be, and if I take on the label introvert, i have to abandon the part of me that is an extrovert. So when we take on labels, we abandon other parts of ourselves. We abandon that we're actually not like. All of us don't fit into one or two boxes. That simplifies who we are, and we're not that simple. We're a little more complicated. We're a little more flowy. We're a little more. Sometimes I'm this and sometimes I'm not. Life is really cyclical. We look at the moon, we look at the waves, we look at the seasons. Even like females, with our cycles, we are cyclical And so sometimes we have energy and sometimes we don't, and sometimes we want to be with people and sometimes we don't, and that is normal. We need to normalize this flow of who we are instead of boxing us in and abandoning the other part of ourselves. So to build ourselves the way we want to be built, we must break it all down and then build it up again. We break it all down by releasing all that you think you are setting these things outside yourself for a moment and then picking up each thing and deciding if it belongs with you in this moment or not. Some things may have been a part of you and have fit before, but they no longer do. This is the magic of rebuilding and rebecoming. It takes bravery, we rebuild and then that's the next version of us. We rebecome and that's the next version of us. It takes bravery, it takes confidence, it takes self-trust, and the reason it takes those things is what if you rebuild yourself and you don't like it, are you okay rebuilding again? And all the times I've rebuilt myself which is More times than I could, even probably I need to like, maybe write this down on paper I've never rebuilt myself to a version I didn't like. Ehh, thinking about it now, there have been times I've added in things to my life that I didn't like Who it started creating me to be, so then I would quickly release it, but I've never rebuilt myself into a version I didn't like. I've always rebuilt myself into a version that I'm like Okay, i like this part and this part needs some refining and we'll work on that In the next rebuilding right, the next cycle. And are you okay rebuilding again? Are you okay? Evolving throughout your life, like being like the baby who like can't they lay down and then they can roll over, and then they can Sit, and then they can stand, and then they can walk, and then they can run, and then they can jump and then they can do a cartwheel. It's this endless evolving when you're young and then are you okay? endlessly evolving as an adult And not just settling into. This is who I am now and these are my labels now and this is who I'm going to be forever. It's much more fun to evolve and grow. It's also challenging. It takes bravery. Are you okay? rebuilding and then being like oh, this works and then this doesn't. Are you okay with that? And then the next thing we're going to do is we're going to strip back to what we truly value. We let go of what we believe about ourselves. Right, i'm this, i'm that, i'm this way, i'm that way, i'm this way, i'm that way. We release all of that and we start to try those on. Right, i am good listener, maybe you. Maybe it's not true about yourself. You try it back on. Be like I would like to be a good listener. So I'm gonna say I'm a good listener and that's the belief I'm gonna take on and that's who I'm gonna start to embody. So we take on these beliefs about ourselves and then We also need to look at what we value. A Huge part of the next version of yourself is what do you value? Because a lot of what is in your current version of yourself is based on what you value. If we reevaluate what we value, we think of a list of five things you most value, like in your head right now. Just take a moment, or, if you have paper right, the five things you value most. Give you a second here. Maybe you only have three, maybe you have whatever. All right, you have this list of values And then look at each one of these things that you have said that you value and ask do I Truly value that or was I told I should value that? Do I truly value what's on this list or was I told I should value this? Then are there any of those values you need to remove because you don't truly value them? No, no right or wrong, just oh. I actually really don't value that, and maybe at another point in your life You will, or you did, maybe it's time to move on and let some of these things go. And then the other thing is is if you do truly value it, is your life aligned with what you say you value? Because if your life is not aligned with what you truly say you value, you're probably feeling Depressed or anxious or stressed or stuck, because the life you're living is not aligned with your values. The next version of you includes stepping into and building your life, creating a life that is aligned with what you value, not what you should value. We have to ask the question is the who we portray to the world, the truth of who we are, and do we even know the truth of who we are? Most of us don't. There have been times in my life where I did not And I had to strip every single one of those things And I had to strip everything off that I believed and slowly rebuild, which is overwhelming and exciting. It's overwhelming and limitless. It's reclaiming your power that you get to pick how you show up in the world. So I'm going to give you a list of questions. These will be like in the show notes. If you want that, you can get that from the show notes. And the answer is no. These are things that you can answer to try to uncover the next version of you, and I do this for myself multiple times a year, because it just helps me stay in an evolving state, and not a hustle state, just a state that's open to growth and development and learning and becoming So. Here are the questions. What fires you up? It makes you feel alive, what's the next version of you? What fires you up? It makes you feel alive? What do you feel called to do or be or step away from? Where are you closed off against the world and against others as a shell of protection? Where do you lift yourself above others as better than, smarter than, more important than, and does that feel aligned to you? When I say aligned, i mean does that feel true to you? Where in your life are you dumping or overflowing your emotions Because you are too full of everything people have told you that you should carry, believe and do So? where are your emotions spilling over? Because you're too full, too many things on your plate that you don't even value? This is the stripping back. What do you value? Stripping off all these beliefs of yourself and then choosing what comes back in. It's a spring cleaning of sorts. Right, it's time to release the stuff you're not using anymore, the beliefs that don't serve you, the things you should do that don't serve you. Time to release that so that you can stop overflowing and being overwhelmed. The next question is what if you could recreate yourself from nothing? This is the. If you were to move somewhere new, who would you choose to be? What would you add into your life And what would you let go? If you could respond to a stressful situation in any way you choose, how would you choose to respond And what can you do to practice this response? Are you proud of how you respond to situations? Are you proud of how you treat those you love? Are you proud of how you treat yourself? Those are the list of questions Now. There's a lot to unpack there. So if you want to answer one question a week and just slowly start to work through this, there's a lot to uncover And we'll talk about this in future episodes like how to start small. This is kind of a bird's eye view of the next version of you. We can really zoom in. Or, if you're working with me and more working with me in one of my programs, we really zoom in and do the work incrementally, because think of how magical it would be if you were living a life if I'm going through these questions that fires you up, that has things that fire you up, that you've released the things you know you need to step away from that. You have kind of broken down some of these ways you've closed yourself off to the world and others. Where you have stopped lifting yourself above others is better than and start to see yourself as part of the whole, where your emotions aren't overflowing because you've released all the things you think you should carry, do and believe, where you could recreate yourself, add in what you want to add in, let go what you want to, let go be who you want to be, respond to stressful situations in a way that you're proud of, treat those you love in a way you're proud of, treat yourself in a way you're proud of. That's all those questions you just answered for yourself, or that you will be answering All those pieces And then start to realize like which of those pieces you currently don't have? And if you're feeling really depressed and anxious and stressed and none of those pieces are in place, or only a couple, you can look at it and be like, ah, i get it. There's so many things not in line with what I value or who I truly am, and now I get to rebuild. And now I get to step into it because I can rebuild, because I'm going to release. We do this backwards a lot And I talked about this earlier. We build, we add in more, add in more, add in more and we haven't released anything. So we're just drowning to ship of our life with too much cargo, too many things. Much of the cargo doesn't fit us. There's like clothes that don't fit. It's like spoiled food We need like throw it overboard and only keep what is currently serving us. So if you're feeling kind of like depressed or anxious or overwhelmed or stressed and that's kind of the undertone of your life and most of your days, it's because your soul, your inner knowing, is not aligned with who it is called to be or who it truly is or what you truly value. So just a quick little story time before we wrap up. Today's like really jam packed, so much information, so much to dig into how I've done this in my life. This is just one example of the next version of me is I found myself as a mom of three. My three kiddos and I was in a great marriage right, we owned a home, great marriage, mom of three. This is pretty like vulnerable for me to share, but it's like necessary to see where I've been. And at that point, like we were financially fine, everything's fine. I got to a point where I was pretty depressed and anxious I would say very depressed, like the most depressed I had been in my life And I like at the point where I didn't like know what to do. I remember telling my husband like I don't know, like because I had been on antidepressants in the past in my life and anti anxiety And they really just didn't work with my brain or body, like they were not supportive to me and I'm happy that they are supportive to people, but for me they weren't. And so here I find myself like the most depressed I've ever been and just anxious, but mostly depressed. And I remember thinking I have got to figure this out because I cannot live like this and I know medications did not work for me but it might be time to try them again. I was like, but first I need to see if I can figure this out, like figure out something. So it took me years of, and this time it probably took me like months, but I had been working through this and I continue to like do this in my life, just peeling back the layers to uncover the root cause of my depression. Depression and anxiety are often not always the smoke of a fire. So if you think of a fire, that is the source, and then what is the most noticeable and takes up the most space is the smoke, right, and the smoke is what we notice. So the fire is the cause, the root or the source, and the smoke is what we see, feel and experience, and where there's smoke, there's fire. So I was feeling so depressed, like the worst in my whole life, and I just knew I needed to figure out the source of this. And it's hard when you're depressed because you're not motivated and you're not inspired and you're not in the right headspace. But I knew I needed to do the work And I realized that, although my environment was basically as perfect as it could be my spouse, my kiddos, home, stress I was still depressed and anxious, which must have meant that there was something inside that was out of whack, something that fire. Right, where is the fire? What is causing this. So it was either just continue to suffer or get to the root and begin the work. And in the stripping back of the things I believed about myself and the things I believed about the world, i began to release a lot of things I believed about myself because I realized that a lot of what I believed about myself was a misalignment, not aligned with the who that I wanted to be and the who I truly was and what I truly valued. And so the fire of my depression, and probably pretty much my whole life, the fire of my depression and anxiety, was a misalignment, because who I was portraying to the world, or who I even believed myself to be, was not an alignment with the truth of who I was. It was all the things I had picked up, all the things I thought I should be or should do or should feel or should value, and it was not an alignment with what I knew my soul, my inner knowing, and there were parts of me that I wanted to become and grow into. But because I believed all these things about myself, i couldn't do that. I was so stuck, i couldn't grow and evolve because I wasn't those things right. I believed that I wasn't those things and I wouldn't be those things because I was who I was. I had reached adulthood and I was done, and this is who I am. Once I was able to start releasing, release, this release, that the depression, the anxiety, all of that, the smoke of the fire started to subside. Now I share this because it was literally the darkest, hardest time of my life and my environment was perfection And in that I knew that it was inner work that needed to be done. I hoped it was right. I was like I've got to find a way out of this. I've got to figure out a solution or at least a way to live my life and not just be stuck in bed and stuck in my mind. So that's the work. I did Questions like that And I slowly built these questions over time of figuring out how to uncover. Nobody taught me this. This was just like I had to figure it out And you know, when you're in survival mode, you'll do what it takes, and this was a do what it takes type of thing. So I share this as like hope for you if you're in a place like that, and if you're not in a place that heavy, then great, and this will just serve you in such a different way. But if you're in like a really heavy, hard place, this can also serve you, but it can feel really far away, and I get that. I know that in my soul. I know that so deeply and so intimately. And so it's starting with one question at a time and starting to add in things that are actually aligned, and not just add in things but also release beliefs, things that you don't need to carry anymore or were never true in the first place. And I'll leave you with this, like as the last illustrator of this whole thing. For me in my life, trying to get somewhere that I didn't know how to get, it was like I knew I wanted to be in Hawaii, but I kept buying flights to Oregon And then I was like shocked every time I didn't end up on sunny beaches. I kept doing the same thing and then wondering why my life felt the same. So my message to you is if you're going to hold on to everything you've ever been and everything you've always believed, then you're routing yourself to a place you don't even want to be. You're forcing yourself to go somewhere that's not even where you want to go because of fear of change, fear of other people not liking it, and if we're going to keep routing ourselves places we don't want to be, we can't be shocked when we're not where we want to be. If we want a life of peace, we need to start releasing the things that are not bringing us peace. Stop routing yourself to places you don't want to be. Start routing yourself, meaning setting yourself up on a trajectory to be that next version of you And then, when you like you'll never arrive fully in the next version of you because at some point you'll reroute and become a little bit different and a little bit different, just like the kid. That's like learning these skills as a baby and we're all like, yes, we love it. Cheer for your own self as you continue to step into the next version of you throughout your life and start to feel excited about who you can become, what you can believe about yourself, what you can believe about the world. Let that fuel you to just continue to move forward. Thank you for being here, thank you for being at the podcast. Whew, first one is done. Was it perfect? Probably not, but I hope it served you in some way. If it did, definitely send me like a DM on Instagram, heatherevanslife, if you want to watch this live on YouTube or if you're watching it on YouTube. Hey, if you're not, you can watch us on YouTube at whatever with Heather, and then always listen to your podcast wherever it's. Wherever you love to listen to podcasts and give a rating if you liked this podcast. Also, any feedback would be a great. I love y'all so much. Thank you for being here and spending your time. Bye.

Moving Into Your Next Version
Embracing Duality and Personal Growth
Creating the Next Version of You
Root Cause of Depression and Anxiety