27. Be Your Own Life Coach: Coach Yourself Through Life

On this week's episode of "Whatever, with Heather," I pull back the curtain on the strategies and mindsets that can transform anyone into their own personal life coach. We'll explore how to breach the barriers of negative self-talk and embrace the positive, solution-oriented tactics that can lead to personal excellence and continuous growth. 

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Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:22

Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of Whatever with Heather. I have actually already recorded this podcast, but when I went to go edit it, my microphone was muted. So now you get version two, which, if I'm being honest, version two is actually usually better. It's usually more concise, it is more focused. So we're going straight into version two. I'm recording this podcast twice in one day and this version will be better. That's what I'm telling myself.

Speaker 0: 0:50

So today we're talking about a topic I've wanted to talk about since I started the podcast, and it is the topic of how to be your own life coach or coaching yourself through life. How to do that, how to do that effectively, and today we're discussing that. There are a lot of life coaches out there, and there are definitely benefits to having a life coach, to having someone on your team, on your side and, at the same time, the skills of coaching yourself through life are skills you can gain. I don't necessarily think one is better than the other, like if you have a life coach or you just learned to coach yourself through life. There are definitely benefits to both. I like to think of it like a workout program. There are people who love to work out by themselves and people who love group fitness and love the support that come with that. And as we're navigating our lives, some people are going to be able to go through life and really kind of DIY, figure things out as they go and not need as much support in some parts of their life as they do in others. And there will be people who love support and love having someone on their side. I think we all benefit from both scenarios. But today we're going to focus on being your own life coach. This doesn't mean you'll never need a support or mentor or coach or even just someone on your team. This doesn't mean you have to do it all, but the ability to coach yourself through life when things are hard or challenging is invaluable.

Speaker 0: 2:17

First, let's talk about what makes a bad coach. If you think back into your life of a coach, a teacher, a leader you had whose job was to guide you and coach you and help facilitate your growth but they were a negative or bad coach. They were probably very specific qualities they had. They're probably overly critical. They may have just been lazy and not cared. They might have tried to motivate you with punishment or shame or blaming you or guilting you to be or act a certain way. They may have told you all the ways you didn't measure up, all the ways you were inadequate. They might have expanded and exaggerated your failings and shortcomings and minimized your strengths. They may have, straight up, just spoken negatively to you while they were your coach, and some of the sound bites they gave you you still may carry today. Now, lots of us many of us are actually kind of negative life coaches for ourselves. We have some of these negative qualities. We cut ourselves down, we tell ourselves how we're failing, we point out all the ways we're not measuring up, and that may be what is currently going on in your life. You may not be being a very good coach for yourself. You may be embodying qualities of a coach that you don't like. So let's talk about a positive coach.

Speaker 0: 3:38

What is a good coach? A good leader, someone that made an impact in your life. What was that vibe like? How were they? They probably saw the best in you and they probably pushed you to be your best. They held this vision of who you could be or the athlete you could be, or the musician you could be, or the student you could be. They held this vision and they helped you move towards that. They probably saw the best in you and cheered you on. Another quality of a good coach would be a coach that when you're learning a new skill, they give you drills and feedback and things to try to improve those skills.

Speaker 0: 4:19

I actually went to college to be a coach, like to coach kids and teens in sports, so I have seen a lot of coaches in my day and with all my kids in different activities. I've seen a lot of coaches and leaders and teachers and in seeing all of this, there are two main qualities that I found that good coaches have. The first thing is that a good coach is your biggest cheerleader. They cheer you on, they see the potential in you and they see the greatest in you. They hold this vision of who you are and who you can be and they cheer you on to get you there. The other part of a really good coach is that they are a solution-based problem solver, meaning they see the problems and they come up with solutions to those problems.

Speaker 0: 5:07

If you have a coach who is coaching you but they're unable to see any ways in which you need to improve or grow or ways that they can help facilitate your attainment and gaining of new skills, and they don't see that and they don't help you see that, then they're not even a coach, they're just a cheerleader. In order to be a good coach, you have to be able to see the problem and come up with a solution for that problem. You also have to be able to pivot your coaching or shift your coaching based on if the solution you're coming up with is not working. So a good coach shifts the way they coach based on your needs. So if this drill or thing you're practicing or the way they've given you cues to learn a certain skill is not working, it's not clicking. A good coach will shift what they are doing to help you gain the skill that you need to gain or that you're working to gain.

Speaker 0: 6:00

A good coach also under the solution based problem solving. One problem they might see is where you are not showing up as your best, meaning. They call you out on your bullshit. They call you out in the areas where you are not doing what you know you need to do or what they know you are capable of doing. So a good coach has these two parts they are your biggest cheerleader and they are a solution based problem solver. Now imagine taking those on for yourself.

Speaker 0: 6:29

If you are coaching yourself, you need to be your own biggest cheerleader. This means you cheer yourself on, you see your own potential, you see the greatest in yourself, you can see the vision of who you can be or what you can learn or what your life could look like, and you hold that vision. And at the same time, you are a solution based problem solver for yourself. That means that you see your own problems, like where things are not working, and you come up with solutions for those problems. And as you do that, as you're coming up with a solution for a problem or a solution to try to get you where you want to go or for who you want to become or the next level of yourself, you also are able to pivot and to shift what you're doing when things are not working, and not from a space of you're terrible, you suck, you can't do anything right, but from a place of coming up with a different solution, of shifting the way you're coaching yourself. And when you're coaching yourself as a solution based problem solver, you call yourself out on your bullshit so that you can reach your greatest potential and life goals. You call yourself out when you know you're not showing up how you want to or need to or no, you need to show up.

Speaker 0: 7:44

This is not about shaming and blaming and guilting yourself. Remember, those are the qualities of a negative coach. This is about holding the vision, cheering yourself on and recognizing when there is a gap between where you are and where you'd like to be, and beginning to fill that gap, beginning to come up with solutions to get from A to B, and to do it in a way in which you're cheering yourself on, you're holding the vision and you become aware of any problems that arise. You're able to pivot and shift what you're doing to get to your goal and you call yourself out on the times where you know you're not doing the things that you need to do. And this is how you coach yourself through life Be your own biggest cheerleader and a solution based problem solver. Imagine that you embody these qualities for the rest of your life. You cheer yourself on and hold the vision for who you want to be and where you're going, and then you Make sure you're doing things to become that person, but from a place of coaching, from a place of solving problems, from a place of ownership, you will be able to consistently and steadily move forward in your life or grow or change, evolve, gain skills, become a different version of yourself, and you don't have to do it with such force and anger and self-hate.

Speaker 0: 9:05

I invite you to look at the qualities of the negative coach, of a bad coach, and see which ones you've been having, and then maybe give yourself some understanding of man. I've really been cutting myself down or I've been trying to motivate myself by breaking my spirit or feeling complete shame or telling myself how bad I am. No wonder it's not working. No wonder I'm not making progress. No wonder I'm depressed. No wonder my life feels heavy and overwhelming, no wonder I feel like I can't do anything right.

Speaker 0: 9:33

Become aware of the ways in which you are not being a good coach for yourself, and as you do that, then it becomes easy to say oh, I can start cheering myself on holding the vision and come up with solutions to get me there. Imagine you spend a full year being a good coach for yourself and maybe you only improve in one area a week, but at the end of a year that's improvement in 52 areas, or in 52 little tiny things. But little tiny things add up, because if you're being a bad coach for yourself or being really negative to yourself and not calling yourself forward and not cheering yourself on, then at the end of 52 weeks, at the end of the year, you will probably either be the same or worse off than you began. And that's why it feels like you're spinning your wheels because you're doing work but you're not evaluating if it's useful work and you're not cheering yourself on while you do it. You're just trying to shame, blame and guilt yourself forward into a better version of you, a happier version, a more fulfilled version, fueled by shame, blame and guilt. Nah, that's not going to work, it's not going to stick and when you get there, you're not going to be someone who is proud of who they've become, because you'll still feel shame, blame and guilt.

Speaker 0: 10:45

As we step into being a good coach for ourselves, we cheer ourselves on and we solve our problems. We don't just point out our problems and be mad at ourselves for them. We see the problems and we come up with solutions. We try the solutions and we shift. If the solutions that we've come up with aren't working, we just keep doing that on repeat.

Speaker 0: 11:03

Think of three ways in which you can start to embody being a good coach for yourself. Maybe you need to cheer yourself on more. Maybe you need to come up with some solutions for some problems you have and just start trying them. You are capable of coaching yourself through life. You are capable of seeing where you can improve and believing in the greatest version of yourself and cheering yourself on on the way. Being your own coach is attainable 100%. Thank you for being here. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please share. Please subscribe on YouTube, follow on your favorite podcast app and, if this has served you, share with a friend so that we can continue to grow this podcast. Thank you for being here and I'll see y'all next week on Whatever, with Heather Bye.